When one looks back at life and how they came to be where they are now many feelings often arise, guilt, regret, pain, disappointment, fear, joy, happy memories, excitement, love, support, peace, etc. I can honestly say that when I look at where I have been I don't regret any decisions I have made. I can see other painful moments but I still don't regret where I have been and the moments I have experiences because they have molded me into who I am today and even on the bad days when I feel like I have lived up to nothing I still feel like I have turned out to be OK and I'm happy with who I am.
I have moments when I look back and wonder how I ended up here, and why... I was accepted into BYU and Weber, I had full intentions of going to Weber State, what made me change my mind? Why was the Lord so intent on me coming to BYU? Now I'm here, I'm getting married and I'm very grateful that I did change my mind and I went where the Lord wanted me because the man I'm going to marry is the most incredible man. When I look at him and talk to him I wonder, are the people in our lives because they need us or because we need them? Personally I look at my own life and know that he is in my life because I need him. I need the love and support that he give me, I need the kind words he tells me, I need the loving looks he shares with me, I need someone to listen to me when I speak and he does. I need him more than he can possibly imagine. He does all that and more, at times I feel like I don't do enough for him because he is always doing something to make me happy and I don't feel like I do that very well.
But even though my trials were, at the time, unwanted, painful, and hard, I'm grateful for them because I feel like they have made me into a better person, a little closer to the kind of person Jon deserves to be with.
Why is fear so strong? Why is it that the thin barrier of
fear can keep us from peace? Fear of our neighbor limits the number of friends
we could have. Fear of change and difference keeps us from foreign allies, and
when we are afraid to trust, we never know love. The fear of communication
ruins relationships. The fear of the unknown keeps us from discovering. The
fear of people leads to a life of solitude. How do we overcome our fear? We
must learn to open our eyes as we cross our tight ropes of life. We must face
the monstery shadows we see so we can turn on the light and see all it really
was, was a coat hanger or some other silly nothing. Our fear often keeps us
from something better. 